Why Compassionate Listening is Essential for Perfect Parenting
Shobhna was worried about her son, Aniket’s growing anger and defiance in every small, petty issue. She could sense something wasn’t right with his surroundings and the people with whom he was interacting and spending most of his time. However, apart from growing in age nothing much has changed in their family and social LIFE, his friends, school, and other classes and the family Friends all are the same. Yet what was bothering Aniket and why was he getting arrogant and impatient remained a question for the parents. Finally, Shobhna and her husband Amit decided to consult a counselor which brought forth so many revelations about themselves and their own behavior with him; something so strange which they were completely unaware of.
Shobhna and Amit aren’t
the only parents who forget to grow as a parent with the growth of their kids.
Teenagers demand a different type of attention and behaviour at home and
school but the irony is: they receive it nowhere. They are often misunderstood,
judged, and defined at every stage due to the changing pattern of their
attitude, their response to various situations, and largely how they look at
the world with their growing age.
In this intellectually competitive
world, the root cause of anger and arrogance in teenagers is the lack of
ability to express what they are going through and their strong perception that
their elders won’t listen to them empathically. This certainly means that they
have experienced it quite often in the past and this apathy is deep-rooted in
their heart. As a result, they start intentionally sabotaging and
alienating themselves without even realizing what they are doing. These
unresolved issues lead to anxiety and distrust which have long-term effects on
children’s minds.
What Should Parents Do-
For any parent, it’s
quite natural to be a problem solver for kids and be ready to fix their
problems with instant advice and providing them with a list of Dos and Don’ts.
Conversely, they just want to be listened to and have their problems heard with
empathy and attention. Here, Compassionate Listening is the only way to
cultivate understanding and love among teenagers and this is the best help
parents can provide their growing kids. If you are a patient listener to them
they will also imbibe this virtue and will become better and happier people so
the best gift one can give to the loved ones is the gift of compassionate
listening and loving speech.
Compassionate listening
stimulates and awakens a deep sagacity of kindness and responsibility in
teenagers. They cultivate kindness and responsibility towards self, society
at large, the world, and the environment. When you teach
responsibility to your child you teach so many dimensions of it altogether.
Listening Develops Communication-
Listening is the most important
and powerful of all SKILLS. To bring about reconciliation and restore love
and communication can only be possible with the practices of Compassionate
Listening and loving speech.
“When
communication is cut off, we suffer. When no one listens to us, we are like
bombs ready to explode.”
The aggressive
behaviour of Teenagers is due to the absence of compassionate listening. Make sure you lend your sympathetic ear not judgments even if you feel they are
mistaken for something. Reflective listening is the best tool to make them feel
understood and cared for. Your simple sentence- “I understand what you are
going through,” can cement your communication with your child forever as it
will make them encouraged to tell you more about them and their problems. Your
stronger and unbiased communication can help them liberate from many wrong
perceptions and afflictions.
Comparison is a Silent Killer-
To encourage children
we often set examples for our kids, “Look, Mr. Sharma’s son got selected for
IIT; and our neighbour, Mrs. Batra’s daughter made her way for Nationals.” This
behaviour kills your child’s latent potential because he understands your
definition of success based on only those parameters that others have
achieved. Unknowingly you thwart the efforts of exploring their passion and setting
goals for themselves that might be different from your perception. Stop
comparing and start listening to them about what they want to set for themselves,
whom they consider as their role models. Don’t impose your wishes and opinions
on them, let them decide their aspirations. Never compare your child with
anyone not even with siblings because Mother Nature has taken care of diversity
with utmost precision and uniqueness.
Compassionate listening
will inherently be the essence of PERFECT parenting and allows you to develop
deeper trust and empathy towards your growing kids and their tantrums. In this
brutal world of expectations, aspirations, peer pressure, self-image, and social
acceptance a teenager falls trapped in the labyrinths of unspeakable secrets,
unbearable rejections, irreversible regrets, unkept promises, unfulfilled
dreams, and unforgettable first crush. And, it's imperative to understand and listen to your child's spoken and unspoken emotions so that you can always help him.
The parent’s role is multifaceted in a child’s life. They are the best teachers, role models, friends, and many more for their children but to have a positive impact on their child’s growth, parents must imbibe first what they wish to impart. Practice before you preach is the best way to have profound and perfect parenting. If you can’t deliver or explain something that means you haven’t understood it well enough. So what you want to see in your child, make sure it must be reflected in your behaviour. Let the realization dawn first upon you that in a bid to teach them to be loving and empathic, parents must be equally kind, loving, and empathic towards the people around them; they are smarter enough to emulate you. Compassionate listening is the essence of a perfect parenting, and becoming a perfect person as well. So, improve yourself as a better person to become a better parent.
