Challenge Your Comfort Zone, Don’t Get Confined to it

 Do you confine to your comfort zone?  

“If you never take a risk, you will never know what changes you need to make.”

-Paulo Coelho

Changes always come with challenges and change is the only constant in life till the time you fall in the trap of your comfort zone which is so placid and alluring that one prefers to stagnate over growing and exploring new horizons. Have you ever felt resistance in switching jobs, relocating different cities, taking up new hobbies, upskilling yourself or learning new activities? If yes, nothing to worry about it, human mind always resists change. It is we who have to decide whether we should continue and stagnate or gear up and glow with the change. Mostly, it has been observed that we deny the opportunities and future prospects because we don’t want to face anything unfamiliar and challenging. We all know that there will be no rewards without risks yet we don’t muster courage to cross the threshold and breathe in open air. Let’s try a small activity of self-communion- Ask yourself a question, before making a new choice in your personal or professional life: What’s the best and what’s the worst that can happen if I go ahead? The answer of this question in both the cases will help you address your sense of fear and discomfort and help you build equanimity if you choose to dismantle the layers of your comfort zone.

Let’s read about a few practices that can help you challenge your comfort zone and how not to get confined to it:

Find Out the Reasons of Fear

We don’t want to step out of our comfort zone as we fear new and unknown. We love being cooped up in the same environment for years just for the sake of feeling safe and comfortable. We don’t want to break the boundaries of inhibitions, stagnation and monotony despite knowing that this type of attitude can take a toll on our professional opportunities and personal growth. Whenever you want to make a choice for yourself; your subconscious mind repels to venture beyond the comfort zone, so training your mind is very important here. No one wants to choose challenging or risky options; we think what most of the people are doing and we also start following them in a bid to play safe, sail safe. Here I would like to quote Robert Frost’s lines:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I-

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

 

-The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

 

These lines clearly indicate how difficult it is to make choices in life, but when you make a good and distinctive choice for yourself, you always stand out as one among the crowd. So learn to make choices by finding out your fears and conquer them all with Your Grit and Determination.

 

Keep Telling Yourself, “I am Fearless”

Communication with your body, mind and soul is very important as this works as a tool to align your thoughts and actions in a positive manner. Speaking to yourself opens your heart to infinite possibilities and gets yourself accustomed to whatever emerges. Make a daily habit of self-communion and tell yourself that you are fearless and ready to survive in any situation; you will be able to come out of your comfort zone very easily. In this world there is nothing like Midas touch, things never fall so easily as it seems when we look at others, one has to invest a lot to gain something. So the first step that you take to come out of your comfort zone is to feel fearless. If you walk fearlessly, accept new challenges wholeheartedly; your chances of being rewarded will be higher so speak to yourself, “I am Fearless.”

 

Identify Your Instincts and Impulsive Acts

When we become subservient to our changing emotional states, we quickly catch ourselves starting to feel insecure and anxious. We often react impulsively and fail to follow our instincts. If you receive any negative feedback and feel offended and develop a strong desire to react to it; just wait for a moment, take a step back and think this situation in a different way. You are being given one more opportunity to unleash your potential and prove yourself. When you start listening to your instincts and identify your impulsive behaviour, you get yourself ready for any storm or turbulence which ultimately takes you to a point where no concept of comfort zone exists. You start flowing with everything you have in hand and appreciate your surroundings and your life as it unfolds. 

Take Pride in Your Accomplishments

Thinking about your glorious achievements always fills you with a sense of completeness in yourself. Keep reminding yourself about your self-worth and accomplishments so that you can display grace and magnanimity in any situation and this attitude will propel you to break the boundaries of your comfort zone without much hesitance and aversion. Sometimes thinking and planning of going out of your comfort zone threatens your survival and sounds so formidable that you daren’t to deal with the decision-making. At that moment if you recall everything that you had achieved in your past; you will find that these challenges are so petty and trivial; it gives you a momentum to change the list of your growth goals and you define yourself in an exuberant way.

Recommended Read: The-Conundrum-of-Commitment

Practice Exploring at Smaller Levels also

If you find anything uncomfortable, try to do it until you become PRO at it. It can be taking a different route to your workplace, talking to new clients, public speaking, smaller changes in daily routine, adapting new fitness regime, exploring new restaurants and new cuisines; just keep experimenting with all the different approaches so as to allow your mind and body to accommodate in different situations. It sounds little quirky but it really works!

The moment we find ourselves in the cocoon of our comfort zone, we begin to underestimate our innate ability to adapt and get familiar with new and strange things. Staying long with your comfort zone make you socially and professionally inept and you end up yourself in an impasse where nothing brings joy and satisfaction to you. It’s time to identify your strengths and leverage them to conquer your comfort zone. Let’s never forget, we learn and grow the most when we are in discomfort. The only thing we need to learn is how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Only The Valiant Can Nurture The Virtue of Forgiveness

 Forgiveness Is An Attribute Of The Brave

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

World War II, Holocaust, Nazism, The Final Solution, Concentration Camps; the terms still haunt the mankind and narrate the brutal killings and atrocities on innocents. Even after years of liberation, the life in concentration camps kept reminding the Holocaust survivors the horrendous sufferings they had undergone in the concentration camps and the days when they prayed for the end of their life to escape the torture and grueling human experiments on their bodies. Amidst all such horrific memories of the Holocaust survivors, today I have brought a story of forgiveness, a story of resilience, a story of releasing the burden of hatred and angst for those who deserve no mercy but because the victims deserve True Happiness and peace for themselves.

The story begins with the ordeal of a small girl, Eva Mozes Kor, born in 1934 in Transylvania, Romania who survived Dr. Joseph Mengele’s human experiments on twins. She was only 10 when she arrived at Auschwitz with her parents, two older sisters and her twin, Miriam. Her parents and other sisters were directly taken to the gas chambers while she along with her twin, Miriam were selected for the twin experiments, conducted by Dr. Joseph Mengele, known as the Angel of Death. Most of the twins died during the medical experiments; Eva and her sister, Miriam spent nine months in the camp, being subject to experimentation on their bodies. She was given injections with some unknown drugs that caused high fever and swollen arms and legs. When she was taken to Dr. Mengele, Eva heard him saying that she would die in just two weeks. She spent next two weeks in the hospital barrack, crawling across the floor to reach for water as she wasn’t able to walk and kept reminding herself that she must survive; the reason was apparent, if she died, her sister would be given a lethal injection by the doctor to conduct a twin autopsy. After two weeks, it was her intense desire that won the battle; her fever broke and she met her sister. But they never talked about the experiments with each other.

On January 27, 1945, the Red Army liberated the camp and Eva and Miriam along with 180 children, most of whom were twins, were sent to various shelter homes. Fortunately, Eva found her mother’s friend Rosalita whose twins were killed by Mengele. She took the responsibility and helped them return back to Romania.

After the war, Eva tried to forget all about the horrific experiences at the camp and in 1950 she immigrated to Israel. She served in the Israeli Army for eight years. She and her sister suffered varied harrowing ailments as they were used as guinea pigs for the experiments at the Auschwitz. Miriam’s kidneys stopped growing; they remained the same as of a 10 year old and Eva donated one of her kidneys to her sister. In 1978, when a miniseries by NBC, The Holocaust was aired, she became curious to know about all the Mengele twins who were liberated from the Auschwitz concentration camp and how the deadly experiments affected their lives. She started locating other survivors of the camp and in the year 1984, she founded CANDLES, Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors.

 50 years after the liberation of Auschwitz, in the year 1995, Eva decided to forgive the Nazis and she returned to the place where she had witnessed many children tragically murdered. Dr. Hans Munch, a Nazi doctor who was stationed outside the gas chamber at the camp was also standing with her, to read the witness statement as the testimony of Holocaust period. At the same time, Eva declared her forgiveness and changed her status from being a victim of the Holocaust. She even forgave Dr. Mengele to release herself from the feelings of hatred and to remove the burden of suffering and the traumatic period. It wasn’t easy for her but she couldn’t live any longer with those nightmares; now she wanted peace and tranquility for herself.

 

When the holocaust survivor forgave the Nazi soldiers, she received controversies and protests from all over but she expedited that forgiving doesn’t imply denial of justice; neither means that crimes and evil deeds should be forgotten. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting as in many cases, it’s impossible to forget the events that affect our lives deeply but the truth is: forgiveness is nothing to be done with the perpetrator, rather it can be defined as an ardent need of the victim so as to release themselves from the pain inflicted upon them.

 There is No Point in Raking Up the Past

Do you also feel, forgiving is one of the most difficult acts that you do especially to those who have hurt you, pained you and berated you? Yes, everyone feels the same; now let’s look at the other side of the coin. Do you really believe that the one who has hurt you, remembers about his wrong behavior? Of course not, so ultimately who is suffering? Isn’t that YOU, because you are not able to forget and you choose to carry the burden of the grudges and anger for the person who is responsible to ruin the precious time of your life. You have lost that moment of your life and now recalling and cursing again and again about the same, you are destroying the present moment also. The moment you forgive the person, you feel relieved from all those feelings which were getting you deprived from your peace of mind and tranquility. Learn to forgive, because forgiveness doesn’t bring any good to others; it brings contentment and bliss to our self. So stop raking up the past and nurture the virtue of forgiveness absolutely for yourself.

 

“Forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling. When you forgive people, you are making a promise to yourself to heal yourself and to empower yourself with peace and tranquility.”

Does Forgiving Make You Gullible?

Many of us believe that one’s forgiveness may be implied as one’s cowardice and undue endurance, but forgiveness is a virtue of the valiant and not the cup of the tea of cowards. Forgiveness helps you to cultivate the ability of sequestering oneself far from all the brunt of past and the experiences of bitterness and humiliation; caused deliberately to you. There will be many to goad you into an act of retaliation or revenge upon that person but if you overcome the tendency of harboring contempt and bitterness you succeed in uplifting your mind, body and soul. Only the valiant can nurture the virtue of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness helps you in healing from pain and the agonizing moments; forgiveness is not only self-liberation but self-empowerment also.

Recommended Read: Let-Lord-Mahaviras-Teachings-Combat 

Having a mulish attitude of retaliation will impel you to deeply entrenched feelings of contempt, displeasure and vindictiveness. You will probably end up in the unenviable throes of profound desolation and will never be able to pull yourself through this situation. So forgive for yourself; not for others. It will be painful for you if you don’t help yourself to come out of an unpleasant state of mind. Let your mind and soul be at peace by nurturing the virtue of forgiveness. Believe me, the virtue of forgiveness is the summum bonum of human life and human character; let’s keep it alive, let’s keep it flourishing and bring peace to our eternal Self.

Cultivate the Habit of Goal-Setting: Be Your Own Arjuna

 Setting New Goals Gives Birth to a New You

Living without any goal in life is just like sailing in a vast ocean without any compass.

Once, Dronacharya, the Guru of warfare who trained Kauravas and Pandavas the skills of military arts and weaponry decided to test all his pupils. He set up a target in the shape of a bird and called his pupils to shoot at it. Before his pupils could shoot the target they had to answer the questions of their Guru, Dronacharya. First of all, Duryodhan, the over enthusiastic disciple took up his stance; Dronacharya asked him, “What do you see?” He replied, “I can see the tree, the bird and the leaves.”

Dronacharya at once ordered him to go back to his place and called Yudhishtra, the eldest of the Pandavas. The Guru asked the same question and was disappointed to receive the same as was given by Duryodhan. One by one all the pupils were called and they responded the same. A few tried to act smartly and added that they could see their guru, their cousins and so on but none could satisfy Dronacharya with a correct response. Finally, it was Arjuna’s turn to hold the bow; when he set the arrow and pulled the string, Dronacharya asked the same question, to which Arjun replied, “I just see the eye of the bird.”

The guru asked Arjuna if he could see the tree, the leaves or his brothers standing around. Arjuna was firm and focused on his target and his answer was, “No, I can’t see anything else except the eye of the bird.” Filled with pride and adoration for his favorite pupil, Dronacharya gave a green signal for the shooting and the next moment the bird was on the ground in pieces.

This story teaches us a very important life lesson i.e. to set and realize your goals and chase them. When you set a goal for yourself, you streamline all your focus towards it and develop your concentration to achieve the target. It takes a strong will power to winnow your goal from all the distractions and irrelevant issues and put everything aside that offers temptations and fantasies.

Explore Your Interests and Passion

New skills, experiments or exploring new vistas should never be considered intimidating in fact they boost your energy and motivation to find your real interests and passion in life. Mostly at younger age we could not decide on the professions or the life style but at a later of life if you feel that you take no interest in what you are doing; never hesitate to give yourself an opportunity to explore yourself, your interests and your passion. Never be afraid to experiment and never justify your decision to people; be firm and be honest with what you choose for yourself. Setting goals will always nourish you enough courage to get you out of your comfort zone, explore your interest and push you towards the desired fields that you had dreamt of. One of the most renowned restaurant chains, KFC, with the value of $12.6 billion was started by Harland Sanders at the age of 62 after serving in the military and trying a number of different jobs. KFC is just one story, there are many more such inspirations which prove that nothing can withhold you from having a goal in your life and achieving it.

Resourcefulness is a Key Factor

Once you set a goal for yourself, you start planning to achieve it; and this whole process gives a momentum in life and this momentum fills you with energy, aspirations and newness for yourself. You feel yourself reborn amidst all the commotion of petty issues and humdrum routine. Here, being resourceful is a key factor in identifying your strengths and leveraging them to surpass the challenges that hinder your path. One should have no qualms while pursuing the goals and that is possible only when you develop the quality of being resourceful and to keep looking for cues to make things better. Resourcefulness is a mindset which is very relevant when the goals you have set are difficult and you cannot envision a clear path to get to where you desire to go. It helps you cultivate out-of-the-box thinking and the ability to take every possible measure that paves the way to your success.

Reinvent Yourself with New Goals

Setting new and realistic goals for yourself keeps reinventing you as a person and helps you rediscover your strengths and limits. Setting a goal on just getting rid of a bad habit can also help you reinvent yourself and making a better version of yourself. Inculcate patience and spend 15 minutes with yourself everyday to gain perspective and realign your thoughts to give yourself new goals and find your way out of the labyrinth of the day-to-day petty issues and fleeting emotions. If you feel you are stuck at a stage in life and beleaguered at the situations give yourself a new goal; any new habit or learning a new skill, will improve your focus and you will start getting more and more positive and optimistic with those situations which were annoying you earlier. Any type of unwanted material and thoughts always obstruct your efforts and achievements so clear out all the physical clutter and conquer the mental/emotional clutter (if you have any) and rejuvenate yourself and embrace a NEW YOU.

 

Chase Your Dreams until You Live Them

Life is like a ride on a roller coaster, it has its twists, turns, highs and lows. We keep chasing our dreams and pursuing our goals till this ride propels us to lofty standards but there are lows also in this ride and they disrupt everything. Confrontation with failures often drive us towards despair and gloom, eventually leaving us defeated and chastened and we stop chasing our goals as we accept that we can’t achieve this goal. Nurturing the attitude of, ‘This too shall pass’ can only be the ballast to help you transcend the insecurities and disappointments in life so believe that there is always light at the end of the tunnel; stay resilient and keep moving earth and heaven to chase and achieve your goals till you celebrate them.

“Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all- in which case you fail by default.” So cultivate the habit of goal setting for yourself on daily basis. Be an Arjuna in each of your decision and focus on attaining an enriching life; not just for you but for others also. The size of the goal never matters until you carry on with the process and efforts to achieve it. The euphoria at the success will be the same whether it’s a smaller goal or a magnanimous one.

Stop Paying Attention To What People Think and Speak About You

Does It Matter What People Speak About You? 

“Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.” The most important thing in life is your self- confidence, if you have faith in yourself and sure of your success no setbacks can hinder your way. If you wish to grow and chase your dreams, stop paying attention to what people think and speak about you, just aim to carry yourself to the moment of no return. The people’s courts and trials are a continuum process of making endeavors to keep pulling you back and get you embroiled in the pangs of humiliation just to quell your creativity and stifle your aspirations. An aphorism of behaviorism goes as; “All civilizations need sheep to enslave and govern easily, lions aren’t required anywhere.” In essence, if you are mentally strong, resourceful, focused and determined there are more chances of rejection for you. So take rejection as a mark of your capability and strength, similarly at any point of time in your life if you feel people don’t show much acceptance towards you, take it in your stride and be proud of yourself.  Now let’s discuss how to keep others’ remarks and opinion at arm's length and maintain equipoise in all circumstances:

Learn to Ignore

When we adapt the laissez-faire attitude, we are less affected by others' insinuations. It’s a universal truth that you can never change others; you can only change yourself. So do it today! Stop paying attention to what others speak about you; you are not a clown or an ice-cream seller who can keep everyone happy. You are bound to keep yourself happy; neither one can be good (except family and friends) to you nor worst (except criminals); one can be good or worst only to oneself so learn to ignore those who don’t add any value to your life. Put in your honest efforts in your work, respect your individuality and stop bothering about people who judge you, people who are least interested in knowing what you know but very keen to know what you don’t know. They are never important in your life.

No Obligation to Hold Onto Those Who Don’t Accept You

Man is a gregarious animal and there are certain obligations on everyone as an integral part of society. Being respectful to others never means being timid and not able to express disagreement. We shouldn’t have obligations to hold onto those who don’t accept and appreciate us. There is a prevalent misconception that one should practice tolerance to sustain social and professional relations. Needless to say, the relations that demand extra modesty and carefulness; they are never relationships; they are simply connections between two individuals. And connections cannot demand obligations.

Gain Control on Your Thoughts

Research has proven that thoughts are not abstract always; they contribute to an overall development of your personality by materializing themselves and shaping your character. Our character governs our body and will power and determines our deeds as well as achievements. If we develop fear, doubt or anxiety towards the external factors and depend upon the circumstances for everything, we give birth to a weaker personality that always demands attention and external validation making it more vulnerable to the vitriol and judgments of others. On the contrary, gaining control on thoughts galvanizes your efforts to build up a stronger, undeterred, and exuberant personality.

Interesting Read: The Conundrum of Commitment with Self

Face Your Loss Alone; It’s None of Others’ Business

When the ace tennis player Arthur Ashe was on his death bed, losing his battle against AIDS in 1992, millions of his fans were grieved and expressed their despondency by asking him how God could choose him for an untimely departure from the world. To this, he replied with contentment, “All over the world, some million teenagers aspire to become tennis players. Of them, only a few thousand play some circuit and only a hundred or so play the grand slam. Finally, only two reach the final of Wimbledon. When I was standing with the trophy of Wimbledon in my hand, I never questioned God ‘Why me?’ And now what right do I have to ask God, why me?”

In The Pursuit of Gaining sympathy from others, too often we invite unsolicited advices and baseless blames for the losses we are suffering. The only way to keep such negative people at bay is to muster courage to face the loss alone with this faith in our heart that this ordeal is going to end soon and such adverse circumstances are not the fundamental part of our existence. These situations are just superficial aberrations and bouts of darkness which must be met with positivity, persistence and equanimity. There’s no other way round to deal with adversities and challenges in life. Making it a talk of the town will simply deteriorate your mental health and engulf you in a feeling of dejection.

Remind yourself everyday what you want to do in life, what are you doing and what’s obstructing you to achieve your goals. If get perturbed by the sarcastic remarks of neighbours, colleagues or any acquaintance make it clear to them that their opinion doesn’t hold any importance in your journey of success.

Mostly, we anticipate acceptance from others, we look at them for validation that we are fulfilled and doing every desired thing to make a meaningful existence for ourselves but get hurt when receive mean, judgmental and pretentious responses, so expecting any kind of external validation and appreciation is always futile and self-defeating in fact it can be detrimental for your mental and physical health. Ask yourself; how you are doing and how do you feel about your achievements and success. It is only YOU who matters the most and none can judge you so be just you, and accept the way you like to think about yourself.

Your constant efforts for your self-growth will never let you get deprived of the wholeness of your individuality and help you find solace and reassurance in the fact that ‘roses always bloom among the thorns’ so life is just the same, if people want to see only the thorns associated with you, let them do so; you are always there to adore and appreciate the roses, and you will remain forever to enjoy the fragrance of those roses.