Real Friends Are Strong Support System For A Happy Life

Friends Galore Yet Friendless: An Irony of Today’s Technology Mediated World

Watch my video for more insight: https://youtu.be/Real Friends

During one normal conversation, I randomly asked a friend of mine about the number of friends she has. The reply was ‘many’. I asked her to tell me the names of a few best friends, whom she can call in her distress, seek help from or confide them. She thought hard for some time and could hardly give me a single name. This is the irony of today’s world where people have an infinite list of friends on broad, shallow social media platforms like “Facebook”, “Twitter” and “Instagram” liking and commenting every post and photo they share but when they sit to count their real friends they hardly get one or two on the list or not even one.

Real Friends v/s Social Media Friends

We often boast upon the long list of friends on whom a good amount of time and emotions is squandered through the social networks but have we ever thought how healthy they are and out of them how many can we count on when we are in need? How many of them will lend their hands when you ask for? The quote, “I have everyone even though I am alone because everyone is not my only one” seems to hold a deeper truth in today’s technology mediated world which has brought people closer, yet metaphorically speaking, miles apart from each other’s heart.

This brings me to ask a question here, “Is the society becoming lonelier?”, “Are people walking alone despite surrounded by a crowd of people?”, “Has true friendship become a far cry today?” I think most of you will answer in “yes” as today a friendship hardly lasts forever. The harsh reality is that it has become more temporal and ephemeral. Sometimes even the person who you count on when you go through tough time shocks you by showing indifference towards you.

True friendship refers to the friends whom you can count on when you go through a tough time and share your pains, your secrets with them. But it seems we have lost trust in this relationship. We hesitate to open up even before the person whom we call a friend as we doubt that he/she might not keep our secrets and might breach our trust. Some people say that nowadays an enemy is more trustworthy than a friend as at least you know how far he/she can cause damage to you, but you never know how and when a friend is going to sabotage you.  Many people today suffer from this trauma that they have nobody to share their feelings with. We are surrounded by family members but these relations also many a times come with the strings attached. 

Why is it that we are not able to make true friends today? Simply throwing stones at the social media platforms would be wrong. We need to spend less energy on online interactions so as to save energy for in-person interactions. According to Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and psychologist at the University of Oxford, Facebook has been successful in many ways because it enables us to keep track of people who otherwise would disappear. It brings people closer, makes them extend helping hand and gets friends reunited who have drifted apart during the course of time. However, he believes that no matter Facebook has been successful yet it cannot undermine the fact that face to face interactions can only result in strong friendship because it involves shared experiences.  Dunbar also stresses on the importance of touch in developing strong bonding and friendship. He believes, “Words are easy. But the way someone touches you, even casually, tells you more about what they’re thinking of you.”

Other than the virtual connections and relationships, upbringing of children in today’s competitive world also has a role to play here. From the very beginning, parents teach one-upmanship to their children. They teach them to be one step ahead of their friends in all respects. It’s hard for the parents to digest the friends having an edge over their own children. When a child helps his friend, parents often ask him if his friend has ever helped him in any way. Are we not giving our children the values of seeking our own benefit in friendship?  Such values bereave the children from the true friendship from the very beginning. In fact, there shouldn’t be any competition in true friendship. One must see a friend’s success as one's own success and have camaraderie to celebrate every moment of life together. In a true sense, friendship should function as a strong support system for both the partners and a good art of parenting can instill selfless friendship in children.

Thought Provoking Read: Lets-Simplify-Life

One must not confuse between friends and acquaintances and between true friends and sycophants.  A real friend will always have the grit to say wrong is wrong even when everyone is for it and right is right when others are against it.

There are No calculations in Friendship

A true and real friendship demands unconditional love, care, sacrifice and time. It is a two way street. It demands a lot of patience, understanding and sacrifices from our side too. We may have times when even a true friend will disappoint us yet we need to give a benefit of doubt to retain this precious relationship.  

Our values play a great role in friendship. A true friendship knows no calculations. A single true friend in your life weighs more in the balance compared to thousand people on the other side.  A true friend is the gem of all gems.

Oprah Winfrey has rightly said:

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, But what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”